The Values You Never Actually Chose — How to Find the Ones That Are Really Yours (and Not the Vision-Board Ones)
Show notes
Identifying your core values at midlife is one of the first steps toward creating a life that is YOURS -- not someone else's. Stop chasing goals that don't fit your life!
In this episode, I get honest about something a little embarrassing: for most of my life I could tell you exactly what everyone around me valued — my kids, my husband, my closest friends — and then go completely blank on my own. So today I’m walking you through the exact practice I used to find my real core values. Not the aspirational, vision-board, sounds-good-on-a-job-application ones. The ones that, when you violate them, make you feel like a stranger in your own skin — and when you honor them, make you feel like you.
I share the night I read my finished list from top to bottom, got chills, and cried — not because I’d accomplished something, but because I felt seen by myself for maybe the first time ever. I talk about why two people can write the exact same word and still hold completely different values (your fingerprint lives in the story behind the word, not the word). And I give you the practice, step by step, so you can start today.
In this episode:
• Why most of us think we know our values — and don’t — and what that gap quietly costs us
• The difference between a value you inherited and a value that’s actually yours
• How living by values you never chose has a name: Good Girl Ghosting
• The novelist’s secret I used on my own values (the blinking cursor that’s never perfectionism — it’s listening)
• The two-step practice: name three, then write the paragraph that gives you goosebumps
• How every named value gives you a cleaner answer to the only question that matters in the moment
A few lines worth remembering:
• “You can’t live what you haven’t named.”
• “Two people can share a value. Only you carry your version of it.”
• “Your values aren’t rules. They’re a description of who you already are when fear isn’t making the decisions.”
• “Do I respect myself here, or do I betray myself here?”
Next steps:
• Naming your values alone is powerful. Naming them in a room full of women deciding the same brave thing is a whole different kind of alive — that’s the Good Girl Ghosting Reset, and I’m opening it to a small founding group of Founding Sisters. Find me on Instagram @RachelHarrisOnline and DM me the word RESET for the details.
• Want a gentle place to start? DM me MY STORY, or grab the free guide, 5 Moments You’re Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) — link in the show notes.
#GoodGirlGhosting #JoyfulRebel #midlifewomen #corevalues #midlifeidentity #selfdiscovery #christianwomen
Start here / work with me:
→ Free "Are You a Good Girl Ghost?" quiz: www.Rachelharrisonline.com/ggg-quiz
→ The Rebel Response Mini Kit — the in-the-moment words in your pocket: RachelHarrisOnline.com/kit
→ Book a Rebel Hour (1:1) with me: https://rachelharrisonline.com/work-with-me
→ Substack, Goodbye, Good Girl: www.rachelharrisonline.com/goodbyegoodgirl
→ Instagram: @RachelHarrisOnline
- Free Play: REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4
Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel
Music licensed through Soundstripe. Code: PXBUCSFZLQOBFCQB
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